Fairy Tail Beer
by Catwho
Summary: A series of character sketches set to beer. 100 word drabbles. Rated T because, well, beer. Warning: Self parody recursion ahead. You must be 21 or over to drink this fanfic. GaLe flavored hops with fire rocks and Juvia mops.


_**Forgive me, Mashima**._

* * *

"Lucy, what are you doing?" Happy asked, peering over her shoulder.

Lucy had a bag of in front of her and she was carefully sorting through them.

"Natsu bet me a thousand jewels I couldn't find a non M in this bag of candy."

Natsu nodded and grinned, giving Happy a thumb's up.

"But Lucy, that's a bag of-"

"Aha! Found a W!" She held up the candy triumphantly.

Natsu had fallen over laughing onto the bar, pounding his fist because he could not contain his mirth.

"That's a bag of M&Ms," Happy explained gently.

**Lucy: Celestial Blond Ale**

* * *

Natsu sat in the middle of the guild, his knees tucked up under his chin, face down, as if he was trying to shrink as far down onto himself as he could.

"Light, please," someone said, and Natsu briefly flared up so that the person could roast a weenie above his head.

"Why is Natsu...?"

"Punishment." Erza explained to Lucy. "He managed to set the mansion of his last client on fire again."

"Ah," Lucy said, as Erza handed her a stick with a hot dog dangling from it. She grinned. "Fire up, Natsu!"

**Natsu: Kona Fire Rock Pale Ale**

* * *

"Do you think we should tell him?" Lucy whispered to Erza. Juvia frantically shook her head from behind the potted palm where she was taking pictures. Most of the others in the guild were carefully averting their eyes.

"Naw," Natsu said, looking toward the ceiling. "He's got to learn to stop being so oblivious on his own."

There was Gray, casually standing with his back to the front window of the guild, mooning everyone on the street. Pedestrians pointed and laughed at the ice mage, who was coolly drinking without any clue of the show he provided.

**Gray: New Glarus Totally Naked**

* * *

Mirajane had realized early on that having a mage capable of turning herself into water could be handy. So she had tagged Juvia as a very part time assistant at the guild, recruiting her services for just fifteen to twenty minutes at the end of the day.

"Ready, Juvia?"

"Juvia is ready," the water mage said, and melted into a puddle. Mirajane poured an extra bucket of clean water onto her so that she would not have to touch dirt directly, and then Juvia took off, gliding across the floor, scrubbing, ten times as effective as any mop.

**Juvia: Sweetwater Waterkeeper Hefeweizen**

* * *

Security at Fairy Hills was something that Erza took very seriously. She didn't doubt that the girls here could take care of any actual bad guys, but the type of intruder she was worried about came from a more friendly, familiar, male persuasion.

"G'night," she said, peering into open doors, accompanying the words with a knock on those that were closed. Most of the fairies replied back with "g'night" almost immediately.

But there was a pause in Levy's response tonight. Erza kicked in Levy's door, earning a terrified squeak from the script mage and a holler from Gajeel.

**Erza: Oskar Blues G'Night Imperial Red Ale**

* * *

"Hey guys, come look at this!" Levy called to the rest of the guild, still giggling.

"It's not funny," Gajeel seethed, but because it was Levy, he kept his anger under control.

Lily had discovered that magnets stuck to Gajeel. Quite by accident, he said, although his smirk indicated that he'd suspected it all along.

Much to Gajeel's annoyance and much to everyone else's utter delight, they stuck quite strongly. Before long, Gajeel's body looked more like the front of a refrigerator, with advertisements for pizza and a shy drawing by Bisca's daughter stuck proudly to his back.

**Gajeel: Iron Hills Ironbound Ale**

* * *

Gajeel too had made a discovery the night before, one that he was not inclined to tell to the rest of the guild, although Lily already knew.

Levy, it turned out, was _noisy._ In a good way. She'd called out to several different saints, gods, goddesses, and he was pretty sure at least one of her favorite authors. He'd never known that the act could be so full of religion and sin all at the same time. She was a kitten in bed, too, daring him to do things he'd never suspected a little bookworm would be interested in doing.

**Levy: Wild Heaven Invocation**

* * *

There were a few people at Fairy Tail who opted out of the regular scraps and brawls. One of them was Laxus, the prodigal grandson whose failed coup still rankled on the Tenrou Island crew, although the 7 years Fairies considered it ancient history at this point.

"Fight me, Laxus!" an inebriated Natsu hissed, before Lucy grabbed him and pulled him away from near certain suicide.

Laxus grinned into his drink. "One of these days I do want to fight that kid," he muttered to himself. "But not while I can still squish him like a bug."

**Laxus: Stone Oaked Arrogant Bastard Ale**

* * *

Mirajane was the other one who rarely got involved in brawls. It was not due to lack of strength, as anyone who had seen her Satan Soul form could attest.

It was because she was just too darn sweet.

She didn't need to walk softly and carry a big stick. All she needed to do was be her normal angelic self, and once in a while, just once in a while, remind everyone in Fairy Tail that she could kick their asses to next year if she so desired.

So no one _ever_ tried to goad her into fighting them.

**Mirajane: Lost Abbey The Angels Share**

* * *

Fairy Tail gave back to the community, or at least they had when they were the biggest and best guild in Fiore before the whole Tenrou Island incident.

During Easter, they had drawn straws to see who would be stuck with the unenviable duty of playing Easter Bunny for that year's Fairy Tail Egg Hunt.

Evergreen had nearly spit out her tea when she saw the pictures from seven years ago.

"You?" she had sputtered, trying not to laugh.

"Me," Elfman said glumly.

There he was, in an ill-fitting bunny suit, with then five-year-old Romeo on his lap.

**Elfman: Terrapin Big Hoppy Monster**

* * *

**I have a secret, I am a bit of a beer snob. I have tried the majority of these (not Lucy's because that's a tiny microbrewery on the other side of the country, alas.) Terrapin is my local brewery, but I search far and wide for great brews from tiny hole in the wall beer pubs whenever I am on vacation. A good craft beer is deeeeeeeeelicious. Don't ruin your first beer drinking experience with a piss-water American ale like Coors or Bud. Get thee to a local microbrewery and order the darkest, meanest stout they have. Yum yum yum! Also, drink responsibly and always have a designated driver or a backup plan.**


End file.
